Watching my daughters grow up.

Friday Rundown

Yesterday, I had a thrilling day with many experiences. Let me tell you about them...

6:30 a.m. Up and bustling Hazel off to school. See you at lunch, I promise!

9:00 am Fully intend to go to deep water fitness at YMCA. Wait! It starts at 9:30, Lilah still asleep. Can we make it? Throw on bathing suit, jam clothes into tote, remember underwear! Wake sleepy Lilah, dress and force feed her bagel and cream cheese. Please go potty! Nope.

9:45 Arrive at YMCA, harried, late, but ready to exercise, where is my YMCA ID? Use driver's license- frustrated desk person manually enters. Finally in! Deposit Lilah at kid center, walk quickly to Ladies Locker Room.

9:50 am Open door and don't know where to look or step. Lots of exposed, elderly, lady body parts, wig on floor, giant tote bags, towels, assorted strange underthings litter the small room. I attain tunnel vision, head to locker, whip off my outer clothes, jam tote in locker, rush to pool.

9:55 am Everyone getting out of pool from now-over deep water fitness. Oh! I thought it started at 9:30? No, it starts at 9, but you can join the shallow fitness class starting right now. Instructor pauses, says quietly- you will be the youngest one in the class. She sounds ominous. I turn to look behind me, the elderly ladies and few gents are in the pool now.

10:00 am Okay, I will do this! Big smile on my face! Get in pool, hello! smile! Met with glares. Turns out doing a work out with the elderly is like working out with 1st graders. They don't listen to the instructor, they talk, do whatever they want, bunch up together on one side of the pool. None of the ladies gives me the time of day, I seem a little popular with the gents, they chat with me. I think this makes the ladies dislike me more. A little concerned that the gents are getting closer to me.

11:00 am Actually had a good work out! Thank the teacher, she says- It's all what you put into it- glancing sideways at the ladies who barely listened to her the last hour.

11:05 am Back into locker room, have to walk through showers, now completely nude elderly ladies, a sea of them, must move to next room. They are absolutely everywhere, no room to move, have to literally step over them to get to my stuff. They are singing and laughing and generally having a good time. I feel like I've entered a sorority, one in which I'm not welcome. I am directed to another locker room.

11:10 am Hazel's lunch time starts in 3 minutes. But I am standing in the child care center waiting for Lilah to try to go potty. Meanwhile the child care worker asks me if I was in the pool? I stink of chlorine- lack of a proper shower. She then goes on to tell me how her high school swim coach told them to go ahead and pee in the pool, cause there was plenty of chlorine in there! Why is she telling me this?

11:14 am Finally have Lilah, decide to pick up lunch at YMCA cafe. But man with gift card is taking hours to get a $1.75 credit. Takes girl 5 tries to enter into her cash register. I nearly scream when I realize she hasn't even made his smoothie yet! WE HAVE TO GO! So drag crying Lilah out, she really wanted to eat there. It's 15 minutes into Hazel's lunchtime! She's waiting! Open heavy YMCA door, dragging Lilah behind me, don't get her out fast enough, smack her in the face. Crying ensues, I come to my senses and realize I am ignoring my youngest child's needs for the benefit of my oldest. So, I take Lilah to Steak 'n Shake instead.

11:45 am Home again. Lilah happily eating her grilled cheese. I really wanted to go to Long John's but I knew that was an evil choice, so I didn't. I got tator-tots at Beefy King instead. Lesser evil choice? At home I decide to cook the last imitation soy meat product in my freezer (veggie rib cutlet) to go along with my tator-tots. Put 2 pieces of bread in toaster oven. Walk away, get on computer.

12:00 pm Hey, I forgot my bread. La, la, la- casually walk into kitchen. FIRE! Two flaming pieces of bread in toaster oven. For a few seconds, I totally blank out. I stand there staring at the twin flames, wondering what to do. Do I throw salt, flour, blanket? I can't remember!!! Electrical fire! Wait, no. Bread fire. So I grab the plastic tongs and grab each flaming piece of toast and put them in sink. Not so bad! Hey, I caught them before the alarm went off! Suddenly, I notice entire room is filled with smoke, BLAM! goes the alarm. We have an ADT smoke alarm, which helpfully yells at you "Fire! Leave Immediately!" repeatedly, while simultaneously blasting a deafening alarm. The thing won't go off when I put in the code and I know the firetrucks will be there soon.

2:30 pm Was able to avert fire trucks, had pleasant lunch. Lilah played while I watched old "Ed" episode on Youtube. I like that show! Get housework done. Get myself decent. Time to pick Hazel up from school. Today I am the Mom in Black (who smells of chlorine.) Put red shoes on. It's been cloudy all day, but never rained, think we will head to Lake Eola to meet friends. Raindrops appear on windshield as soon as get in car. Invite friends to house instead, have pleasant afternoon.

6:00 pm The evening thankfully goes smoothly. Thanks to my filling tator-tot lunch, I skip dinner and feed the girls. Mark arrives late at 8:30, but I feel completely non- stressed. House is pretty clean, kids are fed, watching movie. And I am going to a grown up movie with Lora at 10:20! Can we stay awake?

9:30 pm Pick up Lora, see baby Sidney, she smiles the biggest smiles at me, but won't let me touch her.

10:00 pm Theater looks crowded! There are thousands of teenagers swarming around the entrance. It is so noisy! None of them are standing in line. Do they just get dropped here and hang out in front of the theater? I'm reminded of my morning swarmed by the elderly. Sounds are eerily similar.

10:20 pm Watch "Sherlock Holmes." We, along with about 6 other people, are the last humans to see this movie. We enjoy looking at Robert Downey, Jr. and Jude Law. I even like the mustache! What? Ponder the fact that these men are in or near their 40's. They look like they are in the prime of life! I need to start thinking like that. After a morning fighting off the elderly and an evening encounter with crazed teens, I realize that I'm in a pretty good place right now! I need to live it up! I'm vibrant!

12:30 am Lora and I struggle to stay awake. I tell her we must not both fall asleep, lest we spend the night at the theater. There is so much action! It is strangely calming. Realize I've drifted off at the very last scene. Wake up with jolt and yell at Lora "What'd he say??"

1:30 am Finally, one of my favorite parts of the day! Sleep, with no thought of waking up early in the morning. Fridays are good.

I see you

I see you, originally uploaded by bossamama.

Orange finger nails, marker drawn on hand, reading a book of knock-knock jokes... what else could it be but and 8 year old girl? She's also wearing her Brownie uniform. Hazel told me this face on her hand was so she could see with her eyes shut. She would hold up her hand and clamp her eyes closed tightly saying, "I see you!" She thought it was quite amusing.

Ants in the Shirt

Yesterday, Mark and I went to an important meeting of parents regarding our school. It was at someone's house and the room was packed with folding chairs. Everyone was paying close attention to the speaker who was diagonally a few feet away from me (in other words most people in the room were looking in my direction.) I suddenly felt something crawling around on my back- inside my shirt. I tried to gracefully tap at it, I tried to gently shake a bit, I looked behind me to make sure something wasn't simply hanging down and tickling me. My friend behind me smiled- was she doing something? But then it started biting. I was wedged beneath a wall and people surrounding me on the other three sides. In a sudden semi-panic I had to jump up, scramble over Mark and rush to the bathroom. I frantically whipped my button down shirt up over my head and flailed around trying to knock whatever it was off me. I couldn't find it! And there was no mirror in the bathroom! (This seemed somehow cruel to me, because I knew when I whipped off my shirt, my hair got messed up.) Finally, I saw a big red ant crawling on the floor. I quickly dispatched him into the trash can. Then I gracefully reentered the room and sat down- hoping that I had put my shirt back on properly.

Baby's Growing Up

Three is an amazing age. They start out as babies and end up on the other side as pre-schoolers. Lilah has done so much in the last few months. Her language has expanded, she can play a single note rhythm on the piano, she is all potty trained- even at night! And today she did this- wrote her name all by herself. It's the first time we've tried it- I wrote her name and she copied it and added some pictures. (I'm thinking it's her in the future, with really long bangs- lifting barbells.) She's also a jokester- today she handed me something (I forget what) I said "Thank you" and she bowed at the waist and said "You're Welcome" very seriously- then she giggled and ran off.

School Project Confession

Hello, my name is Simon Bolivar and I have come to burn you.

Hazel came home with a massive project a few weeks back. She had to write a paper with sources, an oral report with a poster and create this creature out of a two litter bottle. Subject picked for her- Simon Bolivar- South American revolutionary. Try to explain colonialism, revolution, despots, and such to a third grader who is not interested. This morning as we were driving to school I was drilling Hazel on points to help her with her oral report- Q:What's a dictator? A: Someone who makes themselves the boss and puts you in jail or makes you leave the country if you don't like it!

It was hard editing her paper without doing too much. I would say "read that sentence out loud, does it sound right?" She would figure it out. I was also impressed, she didn't use spell check while she was typing- it was on- but she would figure out how to spell it herself, not use the suggestion. After a few hours she ended up with a page and a half- double spaced. That was sufficient, I thought. She managed to add her voice- something that a lot of college kids can't accomplish. Here is a quote that Mark and I found amusing...

"The King and Queen from Spain thought they should be in charge of South America. But Simon Bolivar didn't want that because they were so far away from each other and it really didn't make sense!"

Hazel wrote the paper, she did a good job- but this 2 liter bottle thing. I had to do it! Hazel couldn't cut the felt (it was very difficult to cut with our dull scissors) and I couldn't let her use the glue gun, which was the only thing that will hold felt, by the way. We tried other glue and his clothes just fell off after an hour. She did draw the face and oversaw what I was doing. I was so mad while working on it, especially the several times that I stuck my fingers in hot glue. Wouldn't a poster be enough? Then to make it worse- Lilah reached across the table and burned her arm on the tip of the glue gun. It was awful. I realized I didn't know how to deal with burns, since we never burn ourselves! Lilah cried and cried, she kept yelling something about it being my fault. Really. At 3. She's okay, but she did point out the burn this morning mournfully- probably thinking "this is all your fault!"

I don't want to be one of those parents who does their kid's homework. I felt caught with this one. At least I didn't get too fancy- (she wanted to add arms and get all crazy)- and as I glued I would say "Is this where you want it?"Does that count for something? Sigh.

Favorite Quotes from today

"Looks like we’ve already filled our quota for women in your age group- thank you for your time."

Said to me by guy on phone doing a radio survey

SPF 75—Slathering oneself in a good SPF 75 says something to the world. It says, “I don’t mind spending a little extra if it means doing what’s right.” And “Clearly the health of my skin is more important to me than the health of your skin is to you, and, while that is sad, all I can do is lead, because I am a leader.”

from "A Guide to Summer Sun Protection" by Zev Borow

Through the arbor

Through the arbor, originally uploaded by bossamama.

Starting to blog with a picture a day. We'll call this one August 4. Hazel's 8th birthday.

recovery and inspiration

As Barney Frank said last night on The Daily Show, people would rather receive stimulation than recovery, when referring to what to call the "stimulus package."

As I recover from my second surgery I'm trying to take it slow. I'm trying to save myself for the future. Instead of the "I'm young still I can do anything," I have to approach it as "I'm young, but I have to preserve myself by not overdoing it." The last few days have felt stale and I feel like an old stone just sitting, waiting. I've been trying to stimulate my mind. But what I've been doing is consuming like crazy. Not food, it isn't sitting too well as the anesthesia still affects my body. I have read a whole book, watched a lot of amazing movies and read a lot of New Yorker articles and snarky internet news blogs. I've been trying to inspire myself with thoughts of projects, but nothing really grabbed me.

Then this morning as I sat on the side of the tub changing a diaper (we do them standing up now) I glanced up and saw this...

... and inspiration struck.

Thank you

Thanks to my friend, Lydia, I got to see Jenny Lewis last night in concert at the Plaza. It was an amazing show, and solidifies Jenny's spot as one of my favorite performers. Her lyrics really speak to me, she is as confused about a lot of the same things as I am and she writes eloquently about them. Seeing her perform live is a completely different experience- her band is amazing and the music really takes hold- some bands just don't live up to their recordings- but I think Jenny Lewis surpasses them by far. This clip is from Bonnaroo, just weeks ago.

Goodbye

I'm sorry to say that I had to put our cat to sleep yesterday. It was very hard to decide, but in the end I knew in my heart that it was right. She was 18 years old and starting to decline and I didn't want her to get to the point where she was really suffering. She wouldn't eat anything and we couldn't get her to come out of the closet, where she had been for three days. We held and pet her for a long time and while she seemed somewhat alert, her body was limp. I even took her outside, but she tried everything she could to get back in the house fast. Later, Lora brought some ice cream and gave V. some, but she barely licked it and laid back down. I couldn't stand to see her suffer. She has been in decline for a long time and had lost so much weight, her fur was dingy and she had stopped grooming herself a long time ago. We kept her going as long as she still had some spunk, still enjoyed playing a bit, hissing at the other cats or wanting to sit on our laps. She hadn't done anything like that the last 4 days.

I decided to take her in by myself and I'm glad I did. She was always my cat and I felt that I owed it to her to see her off. I didn't stay through the procedure, but I did stay with her a while before to make sure she was calm and talked to her before they came in. The vet people were very sweet and I felt confident leaving her in their care. She was very calm and tired, and -I think- really ready to go to sleep. It was extremely hard to do and all night I had flashbacks and felt misgivings- had I done the right thing? But today, with a clearer head, I know I did the right thing. The whole day felt like a test from God, I had to do it completely alone. I wasn't able to get ahold of Mark all day and only talked to him last evening when it was all over. I do feel stronger for having done it on my own and I think that was the way it was supposed to go.

She was a good girl and we enjoyed her greatly. She had an awesome life. Her last good day was amazing! We took her outside on Sunday to brush her and get all the mats out of her hair. She loved it and then she wanted to sit outside in the grass, she stayed out there for an hour or so while I gardened, she gently explored and laid on the hot concrete-always a treat for cats. After we came in she stood at the door and meowed to be let back out. The next day began her major decline. The last few years with her have been very trying with her kidney problems and incontinence- but we always still saw her spunk. When that was gone, I felt it was time. This is the lot we choose when we take care of animals.

Today, we are going to the beach with a bunch of friends. I think it will be good for all of us to get away, someplace very different- for the day. Hazel was upset yesterday, when I told her that Veronica was not getting better. I told her I would take her to the vet and see if they could help her, but was pretty sure that they wouldn't be able to and she would not be coming home. Lora came over to sit with them and Hazel didn't seem upset at all when I left. I think she was trying to not think about it. She didn't mention anything about it the rest of the day or this morning. We all slept together in my bed last night- more for my benefit than theirs. But it turned out to not be so great for me- because those girls flail around in their sleep like they are doing gymnastics! I was reduced to clinging to the edge of the bed all night! We all feel good this morning, it's sunny and a new day. We don't have to worry about Veronica being sick anymore and we don't have to worry about closing our doors or barricading all the furniture. It is a bit of a relief, really. And we still have two stinky cats, one who ever so sweetly threw up all over our dining room table last night.

Magnification

When I am alone, every sound is louder, every moth that flies in my face is a monster and every problem turns into a crisis. The drama of a sick cat escalated to me making an appointment to have her euthanized. I spent all of last night and this morning wondering how I was going to get through that alone. Thank goodness I had my mom and brother come and help form a second opinion, and the cat was just plain visibly better today. She is old and each day I can't find her, I steel myself for finding her white, furry, lifeless body. I imagine what I will do. When Mark is home, of course- I would flee the house with the children and call him from an undisclosed location. I have a fear of death. I've never really handled any dead thing up close. Much less a companion of 18 years. But being alone, being faced with the inevitable fact of death- knowing that I have to protect the children- I guess I'd just have to deal with it. So, while Veronica lays in my closet and I still wonder if she is going to make it until Saturday (when Mark gets home) I will be on edge.

It doesn't help that I have a hysterical child yelling at me to draw her a "better horsie"- she wasn't happy with what I drew and threw a temper tantrum. She has been sick and is running on that high you get when you feel better. She's been so hyper today- it's been trying. I don't know how my mom did this alone with me and my brother. Maybe because we were older and she got breaks by going to work. Maybe it was just as rough. Sorry, Mom, for any extra stress I caused you!

Last Friday

Big-ears Magee, originally uploaded by bossamama.

Today is the last Friday of the school year. Next Wednesday, school will be over. I will be spending 24 hours, 7 days a week with two restless girls. Added fun, the toddler has just discovered Scotch tape.

All about nesting.

Today I went out to check on the nests. Both mama birds were sitting in their nests, so I couldn't see the status of the eggs or hatchlings. It was a sweet sight though to see. The mamas all nestled in cozy and I guess, content. If birds possess that feeling. Today, I'm staying home and nesting with my little one, although I won't be sitting on her. I've spent the last two days up at the school getting ready for Art Night and poor Lilah has been dragged along. She is pretty amazing, she just sits there at the table I have set up for her and contentedly eats or plays. Occasionally, she would insist on sitting in my lap, and I wouldn't be able to take her, because I was working on something. I felt very bad. But I made it up to her last night and played and sat with her all evening and gave her my undivided attention. Going to try to do that again today.

Too much nature

All this nature is starting to freak me out. Yesterday it was hawk-mockingbird wars. Then we discovered that the pile of wings and bloody remains in our yard were probably from a mockingbird, meaning that the hawk had already eaten one unfortunate soul. That's why he was just sitting there in our yard letting the other birds peck at him. He was eating and he wasn't going to be bothered. Thank goodness this morning, I saw both Mabel and Marvin show up and sit next to each other on the wire above their nest. I was so happy to see them and told them so. They just looked at me.

Then later this morning we came across this:


A turtle digging and apparently laying eggs right out in the open by our back gate. It was a pretty big turtle and seemed totally undisturbed by us watching it as it dug. I looked up turtle egg gestation and it's around 60-90 days. So we'll keep an eye out. Though, I have a feeling the raccoons who like to use our back yard as a latrine will soon sniff them out and have a snack.

It's like Mutual of Omaha around here. Anyone remember that show? So just when I thought I was finally safe and ensconced in the house from nature... I opened the garage door to find this:


I was horrified. Snakes are okay out in the yard but not in my garage where I walk barefoot and do the laundry. Mickey just stood there and would not come in the house. I knew Minnie would soon run out there and grab the snake and bring it in, she's done it before. So I slammed the door shut (and then got the camera.) I coaxed Mickey into the house and then I tried to pick the snake up with our handy broom and stick dustpan. I've done it before, when I absolutely had to get a snake out of the kitchen. I tried to scoop up the snake, but it started coming up the steps toward me! I was screaming and trying to stop it, but it wouldn't stop!!! Then I started pushing it back down the steps with the broom and it finally slithered off under the washing machine! I pray that it doesn't die under there, because we have learned that snakes smell very bad when they die in a hot garage. It didn't look injured, so I hope it is smart enough to get back outside under the garage door. I will be freaking out every time I do laundry now.

I don't think I would do well living out in the woods or something. This is why I don't like camping. I love nature and animals, but I like them outside, not inside my home- being nice and not killing each other in front of me! This happens to me each year I realize, when I spend a lot of time outdoors. I just get plain freaked out by nature.

I'm just passing through

That's what this little boy named Carlos said to me today. I was at school collecting art for our second annual all school art show. I have spent the past few weeks meeting with each and every child asking them to pick their favorite piece of art to display from a year's worth of work. It has been fun meeting all the kids, except one fifth grade class- who were particularly difficult. And in the end I felt bad for them, all having been pegged as behavior problems. But today, Carlos took me aback. I asked him to pick his favorite piece and he said "I won't be participating in the art show" (He's in third grade.) I told him this was an art show for everyone and that he didn't have to come that night if he didn't want to. Maybe he thought he had to be there. Anyway, he then said "I'm just passing through." He kept saying it. Then he said his mother wouldn't come on a Friday night because she has something she always does- I didn't understand the word he used. He eventually just wandered off and I didn't notice at first because a bunch of other kids had gathered around me. When I noticed I called him up and told him he could take all his artwork home, he wouldn't take it. I asked if he was sure he didn't want me to pick something for the show. He again said "I'm just passing through." Finally, I just picked something and forced his folder into his hand as he left the class with the others. I think he said it again as he was going out the door. "I'm just passing through."

Hope

Our school may be closed, but then merged with the local middle school. This would be great news for us, continuing our language program and opening it up to more children. Not such good news for the middle school. It's curriculum would change drastically and many children would be rezoned to go to other schools.

It's a give and take. A bittersweet proposition. This economy.

February Gone!

I realized the whole month of February had passed and I hadn't blogged. Been spending a bit too much time on Facebook. I have also been uploading lots of stuff on Flickr. You can see how my garden has been progressing. I have been worrying over our school closing and spending a lot of time thinking about that. Been wondering whether to hook all this up to Facebook, so that my friends there might check this out. I think most of my friends there already know- well actually, there are all those high school friends and other friends, that I don't know extremely well. This is public, so anyone can see it- but honestly who comes here? Especially when I don't update too often. Have to say summer is a more productive time here around the blog! Here's a peek at the garden.

My High School Sweetheart

My boyfriend.

I was not much of a dater in high school. Not for lack of wanting, just didn't get asked. Then my one fumbly experience turned sour. So my real high school sweethearts were the pop stars that I fell absolutely in love with. First there was Sting. I was obsessed and had pictures of him everywhere. Immediately after high school and my terrible boy experience- I discovered the Smiths and specifically Morrissey. It was perfect timing- I was so disillusioned and scared of boys. Morrissey was there and completely caught my fancy beyond even Sting. Why? He was attractive, sensitive and well-read but mostly because he was gay and a self proclaimed celibate. He sang about unrequited love and never being able to find the right person, plus he was a little naughty sometimes in a British way. Each song was calling out to me and comforted me in a way that Sting never did. (He was much too grown-up for me- I now realize.)

It reminds me of a review I read of the Twilight movie- the critic supposed that teen girls love the vampire heartthrob character because he adores the girl character, but cannot have sex with her and she finds that ultimately non-threatening and romantic (as opposed to um- him being a blood sucking vampire?) But come to think of it, maybe that's why my "love" of Morrissey was so strong- he was safe. I knew that if I was caught alone with him, even though I might have wanted to totally make out with him or at least swoon- he wouldn't have touched a hair on my head. Gay and celibate- that's as good as a vampire to a girl. Oh, and then the fact that I could never possibly ever meet him.

What got me thinking about Morrissey? His new album- which is being heavily advertised right now. I have every Smiths album and the first few solo Morrissey albums that I still listen to frequently and can sing to by heart (it's in my DNA now- I'm sure my girls will know the songs too.) But somewhere around the mid 90's I lost track of my sweetheart and got involved with other bands, other genres of music, it became less about a late night companion to swoon over and more about really appreciating music. And maybe it had something to do with the fact that I was married to a real man.

So, today I went to Morrisey's website, inspired by Facebook and all that reconnecting with old friends. I listened to his new single- not knowing what to expect. And guess what? The music sounds exactly the same, his phrasing, his lyrics- still singing about the "absence of human touch." It's like he's in a time capsule! I don't know how to feel about it. Other artists from that era - such as David Byrne- have expanded and gone all over the place. But there's Morrissey, same hairstyle and haughty chin-up pose, just a little doughier around the jawline. Is it comforting or disturbing? The music is good- as I look back on other bands I was into- I realize that the Smiths were just a plain good band, they stand up to scrutiny. But my old boyfriend- he's caught in a time warp- rehashing his youth over and over. Should I be concerned? He seems happy, maybe I'll just let him be. We had some good times and he got me through some rough spots. I'll thank him for that. Next time I don't see him.

My boyfriend 20 years later.

Where have I been?

Gosh, it's been a while since I blogged. And I miss it. I started this whole project in the summer and I had lots of time. Since school started time has gotten a little tighter. Have to help with the homework, go to piano on Wednesdays and go to school twice a day. Also, I have been working a little at English Gardens. I take Lilah with me and we answer the phones and help around the place. It's been an interesting time learning how to juggle schedules. I've found that I'm not very good at it! My house is suffering, my hair is suffering, and for some reason the pores on my nose are growing larger each day. Don't know what that has to do with it all, but it certainly is disturbing. I don't know if anyone is even reading this or visiting anymore. People tend to forget when you don't update. If you're there, give me a little shout! There are so many things to talk about, but I can't think of them right now- I'm a bit tired and tomorrow is Halloween. It's going to be a crazy day. Trying to just take it all in and not miss anything.