Secret Garden

There is a yard in my neighborhood, with a mysterious front garden.  The house is shaded with oaks and the yard is dark and hard to see. There is a picket fence with an arbor entrance, begging me to peek.  I drive by with my bicycle slowly, hoping to steal longer glances each time.  I see colorful things hanging from the trees.  I know it must be cultivated somehow in there.  There is no grass, just lots of big growing things.  I want to go in there so badly to explore!  My yard, on the other hand, is bright and sunny and there is no mystery.  It's all out for you to see, from whatever direction you are coming.  When I think of the other house and garden, I am reminded of "The Secret Garden" and the moment when the children first discover the locked, walled-off, overgrown mess.  It looks awful at first, but soon they will spy some roses and slowly discover the former beauty of the garden. What a find that would be!  I think that this house I pass by might be just as intriguing.  I would never have the guts to sneak in-  and it might be disappointing to discover nothing much going on anyway. Maybe best to leave the mystery in the darkness and overgrown vines.

Watching my daughters grow up.

A Study in Peach

Last week, I stopped at Fresh Fields market and picked up some glorious peaches and nectarines.  There were multiple varieties so I picked up a few from each pile. Last year I learned how to grill peaches, which renders them tender and delicious.  I didn’t feel like firing up the grill just for dessert, so I decided to do some indoor peach cooking.

Arty, arty music fun.

I Didn't See It Coming (Richard X mix) from Belle & Sebastian on Vimeo.

Take a break with Thurston Moore

A lovely way to spend 15 minutes. Who knew Thurston Moore could be so soothing? You can put it on in the background or watch the film, which is very relaxing, by the way.  I must check out this website... La Blogotheque.  Meet you there?

Start of Summer

It's going to be a busy, busy summer. I'm going to stay busy and not let the days fade away with regrets of unfinished projects. I have one I can cross off my list. Although-  it did take the sacrificing of an entire morning/afternoon. Mostly what took so long was my printer, which needed new ink, head cleaning, etc.   And yes, I got distracted by looking at "Stars without Makeup" and ended up watching a few things on Funny or Die while waiting for my printer to fix itself. Also, add to that the fact that 2 little people totally destroyed the house around me, because I was too busy to monitor them.

Here it is- I made a task chart for the girls. I decided to call it "tasks" instead of "chores" or "jobs"- it just sounded friendlier. I remembered seeing one in one of the Martha Stewart publications a while back and looked it up.  I found this one (she has many versions, of course) and remembered I had magnet sheets that I had purchased many years ago when Hazel was in Preschool. (This is my usual M.O. buy things, plan projects, never do them.)

The actual process was very easy in Pages on my iMac. (Surely, there is something similar in the PC realm.) I simply made shapes, filled in colors, pictures, or text. And, yes, I did copy the color scheme from Martha, she does have a good eye for color. The task board was printed on a separate sheet from the tasks. The tasks are on their own magnets and can be changed each day.  When the girls are finished they move the task to the "tasks completed" list.  I was pleased with how it turned out and it sticks beautifully to my blackboard/magnet door in the kitchen. The girls are so inspired they ran off and did two tasks and are working on their third.  We'll see how long that lasts. Maybe I should make one for the husband too?

April Garden

April Garden, a set on Flickr.

What's been going down in my garden, you ask? Well take a look...

Nellie McKay-One of a kind...

We are the silent majority! Not so silent, just quiet and tasteful!

New or Old Music???

I'm having major flashbacks. I found this song, Un Soir, Un Chien the other day by Stereolab's lead singer, Laetitia Sadier. I immediately bought it without even listening. It is a cover of Les Rita Mitsouko's original from 198?- which is a very awesome song and totally reminds me of when I first met Mark. I also bought a song by Everything But The Girl's Tracey Thorn the other day. It's a new song, but her voice remains the same from the 80's- some things never change or they change slightly and oh, how comforting that is! I like to move on with music- but I also like little tastes of my youth peppered into the mix.  Also, I just plain love these two women's music very much.

To me at age 43

I wish I had written a letter to myself at age 18, writing down my hopes for the future- asking my 43 year old self - what's it like? I honestly don't remember what my hopes were at 18. I think I was too involved in my hair, listening to records and getting into car accidents.  My own mother was only 39 at the time.  Did I think of a future with a husband, a home and children? Did I want to be a woman of the world, traveling, with some sort of high powered career?  Did I just want to be liked and fit it?  I did get married rather young at 22- but even then I don't think I was really thinking of what the future would be like.  I was blessed with that youthful ignorance of time.

So, here I am at 43.  Forty-three.  I have to keep saying it so I can remember when people ask.  That whole thing about "age is just a number" really does start to become real as you age.  These days, 43 could be any stage of a person's life-  just starting a family, seeing kids off to college, starting a new career, living an established life or not-  I know someone in every category that's my age. The 40's are the new 30's, the new 20's, the never-gonna-grow-ups for some people.  I would say the main difference after age 40 is the total awareness of time passing, the days, weeks, months and years seem to get shorter the older you get.

My body has changed after two kids, my hair is going grey, and I don't feel comfortable hanging around 20 somethings for an extended length of time.  This is the aging part of me.  I have two young children, I am heavily invested in the under 12 psyche, I still enjoy hip music and culture from my safe perch at the computer- this is the part of me that yearns to stay young.

I do fear aging, I can't help it, I have to be honest.  I fear my changing body, the aging of family, the tragedies of life that are sure to come. But I try to keep that fear down and revel in the daily madness of my current life.  I sometimes long for the day when I can put something down and it will still be there two days later, undisturbed.  When I can clean the house and it stays that way for more than two hours.  For the day when I cook what I want to eat for dinner and don't hear "Ewww." when I place it on the table. But I know with certainty that when that day comes, I will be longing for this current life to come back again.

We can only live the day as it comes, I'm trying to enjoy every moment.  I may set myself up to do too much and I often don't accomplish the things I've set out to do- but It keeps me going till the next day.  Sure, I'm tired now, but I'll have plenty of time to rest later.

Something to aspire to... ageless beauty

All the beauty creams in the world can't make you beautiful on the inside. While the video is a little heavy on the symbolism- this song is great.

In Between Days

Waiting., originally uploaded by bossamama.

One of those days. It's raining, it's Thursday. The month of February lost to flu, pneumonia, fleas, (slight) flooding. It seems everyday someone breaks something, something falls apart, a flea appears and ruins everything. March opens out in front of me- birthdays, parties, growing up, growing old.

This is a moss terrarium that I've made and a photo I took. I like it.

The State of My Household

Inspired by Tracy, who asked "Where do you keep your stuff?" in a Facebook posting yesterday, I took pictures of three different piles at my house.  The first is my desk.  The all purpose dumping spot for the entire family.  We have the camera bag, Hazel's notebook with homework piled on top, a hat from Tet, grocery bags atop dried up Play-doh, several bottles of cold medicine, and notes from the pediatrician.  Hazel has the flu and I'm keeping close tabs on everything and preparing for any event.  She's okay for now, but it does worry a person.  On my computer, the original post by Tracy and a photo of her pile.

Found.

Camera retrieved.  Right where I left it, turns out the store was open today and they don't check their voicemail and they don't open camera cases, where our name and phone number was clearly located (I couldn't remember if that was the case.)  All's well that ends well!

Waiting is hard...

Yesterday, I made a terrible mistake.  The girls had a piano recital- it was Lilah's first.  I dutifully brought my camera, I checked to make sure the battery was full, we got to the place early.  The recital was held at a piano store that has a room in the back with beautiful grand pianos just for this purpose. Before it started, Lilah got on a piano out in the showroom to practice. I whipped out my camera and started to take a video.  To my surprise, the memory card was not there.  I was upset, this being her first recital- but another mom offered to take photos.  Everything went well.

But later, after a busy evening of homework and laundry, around 11 pm, Mark said, "Why don't you put the card back in the camera?"  I asked him to do it for me and as he looked for the camera he said "Where is it?"  I was suddenly struck dumb, as I knew that I did not bring it home.  I knew that I did not have it in the restaurant we went to after the recital, I did not have it in the car, I did not bring it in the house.

Total freak out time.  This is our brand new Canon, digital SLR camera.  It has a nice big lens on it and takes amazing pictures and video. I don't know the exact price, but I know it was very expensive.  Mark got it for me for Christmas.  I've always wanted a real camera, having worked with point and shoots all these years and never being completely satisfied with the pictures. I was so glad to have it and was slowly learning how to use it properly.

The piano store where we had the recital is closed today, I have left multiple messages.  Still haven't spoken with the owner of our piano school, who I've also left messages for. I've spoken with one of the piano teachers who did not see it- she said she thinks the chairs were still up and that the store closed down as soon as they left after the second recital. I called the restaurant, just in case, but I'm sure I didn't have it there, because I don't remember worrying about it and where I should put it.

I know exactly where I left it.  I know that as soon as I stopped trying to use it and sat down watching my little baby go up to play piano that I forgot it existed.  I stuck it under my chair for safekeeping.  I was watching my daughter- who was so nervous that she needed help playing- intensely, sitting on the edge of my chair, holding my breath, willing her to remember the right notes. I kept thinking, she was just a baby. I cried. She came and gave me a hug soon after.  I made sure to praise all the other children afterward, I was feeling so warm and content.  I was proud and excited and so happy to be part of the piano family.  The camera was far from my mind.

I know it's just a thing, and it can be replaced (eventually)- but it was also such a special gift from my very thoughtful husband. I feel like I lost my wedding ring.  Here's hoping it's still sitting under that chair waiting for me to come retrieve it.

I cannot post an entry, I am frustrated! I can only write in the titles. Maybe I should just blog here.

Blogging Limbo

Breathing space

He is proud in his stripes and fuzz., originally uploaded by bossamama.

There is this magical space after Christmas and before school starts again. A time when the days seem endless and the possibilities stretch out before me. I made this little fellow for one of my babies, got a new camera, and felt pretty relaxed this holiday season- regardless of the fact I didn't get half the stuff done I wanted to. This has been a sad year. I don't really believe that things will get easier, life is hard. But I know that I can relieve some stress through creating things.

Here's to a Happy New Year with bright skies, green grass and some space for dreaming. Time to turn it all over again.

Listening to the new Belle & Sebastian album stream here at NPR. Excited to hear Stuart Murdoch being interiewed this morning. Either I'm really cool or really nerdy or just plain washed out.  I still love B & S and get excited about their new records coming out.  (I still call them records.)  But come on, how can you not love a band who poses with a fake horse?  Sure they may be the definition of "twee"- but I happen to like that.

New Book

I believe this book was genetically engineered to delight me.