So, here I am at 43. Forty-three. I have to keep saying it so I can remember when people ask. That whole thing about "age is just a number" really does start to become real as you age. These days, 43 could be any stage of a person's life- just starting a family, seeing kids off to college, starting a new career, living an established life or not- I know someone in every category that's my age. The 40's are the new 30's, the new 20's, the never-gonna-grow-ups for some people. I would say the main difference after age 40 is the total awareness of time passing, the days, weeks, months and years seem to get shorter the older you get.
My body has changed after two kids, my hair is going grey, and I don't feel comfortable hanging around 20 somethings for an extended length of time. This is the aging part of me. I have two young children, I am heavily invested in the under 12 psyche, I still enjoy hip music and culture from my safe perch at the computer- this is the part of me that yearns to stay young.
I do fear aging, I can't help it, I have to be honest. I fear my changing body, the aging of family, the tragedies of life that are sure to come. But I try to keep that fear down and revel in the daily madness of my current life. I sometimes long for the day when I can put something down and it will still be there two days later, undisturbed. When I can clean the house and it stays that way for more than two hours. For the day when I cook what I want to eat for dinner and don't hear "Ewww." when I place it on the table. But I know with certainty that when that day comes, I will be longing for this current life to come back again.
We can only live the day as it comes, I'm trying to enjoy every moment. I may set myself up to do too much and I often don't accomplish the things I've set out to do- but It keeps me going till the next day. Sure, I'm tired now, but I'll have plenty of time to rest later.
